BROTHERHOOD OF MAN – "Save Your Kisses For Me"

You state this is “a classic example of cynical Britain fobbing off any old rubbish on the song contest”, and I have to agree with you. It is worth noting that this was the first year there had been an “open” competition to be UK’s entry in Eurovision. In previous years an act was selected, and they presented six songs a couple of months before the competition, usually on Cliff’s Saturday night show, or whatever similar show was currently running.

This was bound to lessen the quality of performer, even if it had less effect on the song. This dross won the British competition, beating Cheryl Baker’s Co-Co into second place, so we’ve only got ourselves to blame.

Once it got to Eurovision, my own theory on why it won was that Eurovision wanted to get away from the more “rocky” winners from the previous two years – there was actually a fair amount of harrumphing in certain circles after the victories by Abba and Teach-In – hardly “Lock Up Your Daughters” stuff, but by Eurovision standards…..

This is a terrible song, but infuriatingly catchy. The only saving grace is that one of the girls (the blonde – Sandra I think) seemed to be quite cute to the 15 year old me!

For some reason the second image this brings to mind (after the cringeworthy little dance they did with their two-yard-wide flares) is Mike Yarwood as Jim Callaghan smugly announcing that we’d won the Eurovision Song Contest under him whereas Heath and Wilson had failed for nine years. Callaghan had just become PM on Wilson’s resignation.

This was probably the UK public’s response to Abba, putting a two-girl, two-boy combination into the fray (I can’t remember us doing so pre-Abba) and remembering to make it visually, er, memorable. But really it’s hard to think of anyone having much of a good word for it. (Perhaps it’s someone’s Guilty Pleasure, I don’t know.)

Maybe Marcello (in his new guise as DJP – whassallthatabout MC?) could help us get to the bottom of the “original” Brotherhood of Man who had a medium-sized hit with “United We Stand” five years previously – they had no members in common with this incarnation, is that right?

Number 2 Watch – while this held on at the top for six long weeks, Billy Ocean’s “Love Really Hurts Without You” and Barry White’s “You See The Trouble With Me” stalled at 2.

Yes, I remember observing the drop in quality at the time – with regard to both the act and the song – and was fairly astonished that the ghastly thing went on to win the contest.

Until this point, the UK had been fielding established mainstream hit-making acts at Eurovision: Sandie Shaw, Cliff Richard, Lulu, Mary Hopkin, Clodagh Rodgers, New Seekers, Cliff again, Olivia Newton-John and The Shadows (this latter act being well beyond their hit-making days, which in retrospect might have been the writing on the wall). But here we had a group with only one hit single (“United We Stand”) to their name, six years earlier – and what’s more, a group with none of its orginal members, the 1970 line-up (including the once-ubiquitous Tony Burrows on lead vocals) having long dispersed. It all seemed decidedly low-rent to me, with Brotherhood Of Man cast as a Woolworths-own-brand Abba (as they go would on to prove more than adequately in Ppular entries to come).

Of course, once they’d gone and won the blasted thing (a result decided by small juries rather than public voters in those days, hence the pronounced eccentricities over the years), kneejerk patriotism kicked in, and BOM were promptly elevated to National Hero status by the cloth-eared masses, turning “Save Your Kisses For Me”, as Black Lace once shrewdly said about “Agadoo”, from a mere record into an Event.

In an early example of their “if it works once then MILK IT” strategy, the follow-up “My Sweet Rosalie” was an equally winsome and chirpy follow-up WITH A TWIST, said Rosalie turning out in the last line to be “the cutest puppy dog you ever did see”. The song was only a minor hit, establishing a clear warning that one should never follow up a Number One Smash with a song about a cute little puppy dog – but we’ll get to that again in a couple of years time.

And until you have seen BOM (still with their 1976 lineup, 32 years later) perform their onstage 1970s nostalgia medley, which segues straight from “Remember You’re A Womble” (complete with Orinoco glove puppet prop)into “My Ding-A-Ling”, you do not know the meaning of true horror.

Mike – but is Sandra still cute?

Let’s just say that she’s carefully preserved, in much the same manner that upper-class matrons used to adhere to the fashions and hairdos of their debutante days, well into late middle-age…

Oh, and C21st BOM now open their sets with “Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)”, followed by “United We Stand” (“the song that made it all happen for Brotherhood of Man“). Hell, if you’re going to sing one Tony Burrows song that had nothing to do with you, you might as well make it a double…!

And if you thought this was bad, what about the follow-up, “My Sweet Rosalie,” which was largely the same song but with a different, if equally nauseating, twist at the end? Thankfully the British public were wise enough to stop that one at #30.

The only good thing about this was its alternative comedy title “Save Your Missus For Me”

Is “Save Your Kisses For Me” the evil twin of “Memphis Tennessee” by Chuck Berry?

Ah yes, sorry Mike, missed that one. The moral: just because Glastonbury 2008 star Gilbert O’Sullivan followed up a number one about a cute child with another number one about a dog doesn’t mean that everyone can do it.

For as long as I can remember Eurovision has NOT been about showcasing the best songwriting and performing talent in Europe. It would be nice to believe that such had once been its purpose, and it has produced some good entries from many countries over the years. In reality, though, the “bubblegum problem” has been there from the contest’s earliest days, and unfortunately this latter type of entry often seems to win. I wonder has anyone come across “Sing little birdie?” That was a UK entry from the late ’50s, I think. I don’t know whether it won or not…

That’s the only place I know it from too, or “Sing Rittle Birdie” as Mao calls it.

Light entertainment watch: As you might expect, The Brotherhood of Man had a prolific television career. Here’s a selection of their appearances (sadly the first two do not survive in the archives)

MAKE THE MUSIC SPEAK: Featuring Les Dawson, Brotherhood Of Man (1977)

THE YOUNG GENERATION: Featuring Rod McKuen, Caterina Valente, Brotherhood Of Man (1970)

THE BASIL BRUSH SHOW: Featuring Deniece Williams, Brotherhood Of Man, Damaris Hayman (1977)

THE BASIL BRUSH SHOW: Featuring Barbara Windsor, Brotherhood Of Man (1978)

THE BASIL BRUSH SHOW: Featuring Johnny Logan, Brotherhood Of Man, Jennifer Hill (1980)

BE MY GUEST: Featuring Paul Daniels, Duggie Brown, Brotherhood Of Man (1977)

THE BIG TOP VARIETY SHOW: Featuring Moira Anderson, Brotherhood Of Man, Halfwits (1979)

THE DAVID NIXON SHOW: Featuring Finn Jon, Vince Hill, Brotherhood Of Man (1977)

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST: Featuring Brotherhood Of Man (1976)

LARRY GRAYSON: Featuring Brotherhood Of Man, David Lodge, Anna Dawson (1977)

SEASIDE SPECIAL: Featuring Sacha Distel, Brotherhood Of Man, Frank Carson (1976)

THE VAL DOONICAN MUSIC SHOW: Featuring Dennis Weaver, Brotherhood Of Man, Crystal Gayle (1977)

THE VAL DOONICAN MUSIC SHOW: Featuring Mary O’Hara, Brotherhood Of Man (1978)

If this can’t get a “1” I wonder what can. Everything that everybody who claims to hate pop hates, wrapped up in a track about which people who claim to love pop can’t find anything nice to say.

“even though you’re only twee” more like.

DON’T DISS THE VINCENT!!!!

Slam American Pie all you like but Vincent was the one thing McLean managed to get right!

I’d have no hesitation in giving this a zero myself since it gets a total negative on my personal “justify any points” checklist, viz:-

– Would I ever want to hear this again voluntarily?

– If I did hear it again involuntarily or stumble across it, would I want to keep the station/channel tuned?

– Does it have any redeeming factor, e.g. interesting arrangement/chord changes/lyrical content, however minute?

– Does its performance give the song more value than it deserves, or vice versa?

And finally, the most important deciding factor of them all:

– Regardless of what I think about this record, DOES MY MUM LIKE IT?

And even my mum can’t stand this.

Hence: a big, puce-coloured zero.

Ooh, I forgot about “Vincent!” And yes – Long Haired Lover is demonstrably worse than this song. So I guess that’s fair.

(Not that I really care so much about the number-ranking, mind you. But something as continuously lousy as this song raises the issue of whether a 2 constitues actual merit, or rather the absence of egregious, offensive awfulness.)

This was already number one before it won Eurovision – a cute little homily with a cheesy little twist at the end, the subject being revealed as a three year old child. As with Uncle Ray’s “Claire” four years earlier (which didn’t even try to hide that he was serenading a kiddie), this simply wouldn’t have made first base today. But whereas Gilbert’s song had immense charm, with SYKFM you are simply saying hello again to your last meal. The most cheddar-infused number one since Lennie and Dianne.

I always preferred the brunette.

On the contrary, Snif – I’m pretty sure that I mentioned my preference for Frida when we did “Waterloo” and I think Waldo may have done as well.

Sorry, but even as a 14-16 year old during the heyday of “the Man”, the fanciability of either of the BoM women wasn’t really on my radar. One or two of the Nolans and even the odd Dooley, maybe, but nobody held a candle to the Abba girls until – well, somebody else we’ll have plenty of opportunities to discuss, who at this point is paying her dues in a scuzzy New York club.

Yeah, Snif. And me and the Scottish Chartmeister have also exchanged notes on Lyn and Eve also…

Waldo, you’re never going to get a Russian visa with your record.

(“what record?” “Russians by Sting.” “Oh, heck…”)