It goes almost without saying that this is outrageous bilge, with a stripe of cynicism as wide as Renato’s spangly lapels. Renato who, of course, was allowed to appear as himself in the video, where his Pooh-Bearish charms win the heart of a replacement Renee – a forerunner of the Beijing Olympics pretty-voice-meet-cute-girl move, though the Chinese government are mere amateurs next to the steel-hearted nabobs of British Light Entertainment.

The record’s plonking self-confident awfulness is like critic-proof armour plate. You say it’s bad? They’re aware of that, and not in a comically knowing way either: they’ve made a stinking record which will sell a lot and make some people happy and do no great harm (certainly it passed the playground test – “SAFFE YOUR LUFF MY DAHLINK!”). Maybe you fancy a clever sneer, comparing Renato to the Just One Cornetto advert. Tough luck: he IS the Just One Cornetto advert. Records like “Save Your Love” are to the British charts what a nasty pissing shower of unspectacular rain is to the British weather: you take it, wait till it sods off and enjoy a satisfying grumble afterwards.

Score: 1

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