As horrifying as the goriest death ballad or country tragedy, no amount of listens can change the awful outcome – our Wendy* leaves the club with Mockney lech Mike Sarne, stepping out for a promised “slap and tickle”. The delight in Sarne’s voice as his constant pestering wins him a fumble rather than a harrassment suit is one of pop’s more unpleasant sounds. The bad ending aside this is jaunty and catchy – though obnoxious – and Richard is good fun. But if ever a song was begging for an answer record to right its wrong, this is the one.

*yes, that Wendy Richard.

Score: 2

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